Why I never add :) in my entries

My friend lent me an incredible book called Eats, Shoots and Leaves: a zero tolerance guide to punctuation. I can't even begin to tell you how much I love it.

As an aside, I think Hugh Grant is one hefty piece of luggage. Give me a nice glass of pinot noir, sleeping children, a clean kitchen and a brainless Hugh Grant movie and I'm set.

But there is one movie I have yet to see, out of protest. It would be Two Weeks Notice, with Sandra Bullock. Why hadn't I wanted to see this one? Think. Do you want a clue? There's a problem with the movie's title. Didn't get it? THAT'S why I love Eats, Shoots and Leaves. And, joy of joys, the author presents the reader with this very movie as an example of the world going to hell...and she does so right in the very first chapter! I belong! I belong!

For years, my family regarded me as some anomalous being, all because I am a stickler for correct spelling and grammar. I had always had a lovely relationship with My Buttercup godchild until I completely alienated myself one Christmas when I went on a rant about how I felt e-mail abbreviations were going to kill the already floundering English language. "A semicolon doesn't mean 'I'm winking at you.'"

At the university newspaper I had worked at (for credit), I had been praised for being so stringent with spelling, grammar and style. My editor, James Ip (where are you?), had also often added that I was the only person he knew who could tell the difference between the fonts Times and Times New Roman (it was in the late 80s, so that really was rare among university students, I'm sure).

When I left journalism and went into advertising, I realized that, perhaps, the majority of people in English-speaking Canada cared much less than I did about en-dashes and em-dashes.

Now that I'm a parent, I weep when I get notes from the teacher about "phamphlets" and even, oh sweet Jesus, "Mr. Peter's schedule and it's flexability." And I'm sending my children to you to be taught? Or should I say "teached"?

I'd love this shirt for Christmas, by the way.