Sunday

I think we saw the last of the food from the family picnic this weekend.

Home Chef and Baby Sister brought, like, a hundred hot dogs (no doubt bought from a butcher because that's the kind of guy my brother-in-law is). They also brought news that they put in an offer on a house near Husband's grandmother's home. I think by now Baby Sister has spread the news so it's safe to say here that they got the house.

Word has it that Home Chef would like to convert the shed into a smokehouse.

Anyway, now all of my parents' kids have mortgages. Hooray for us.

Eldest nephew came in and made a beeline for the XBox. Niece and Daughter holed themselves in the treehouse.

My mum sat on her ass for the first time in a long time. I was so happy to see her relatively relaxed that I kept the wine flowing. She brought a box of chocolates so big, you could have sailed to Portugal on it. She left it on the kitchen table and Baby Boy made short work of it. I swear, the kid ate about half the box. Needless to say, he made lots of trips to the toilet.

Dad installed a new porch light for us, happily giving direction to Husband and Home Chef while Middle Sister and Lumber Guy sat in the backyard with one eye on the kids and the other on their frosted mugs of beer.

We were celebrating all sorts of June events: Middle Child's birthday, Father's Day, my dad's birthday, my parents' 40th anniversary, and - I totally forgot - my own birthday. Seriously, I forgot maybe since it passed and no fuss was made other than Jules taking me out for the world's most amazing chef-created burger and an incredible midday cocktail. So when Baby Sister (who arrived first) gave me a gift bag with Sephora cosmetics (it was a first for brown eyeliner) and a Zellers gift card (I'm buying Taboo!), I was a little taken aback. Middle Sister gave me a Lush shampoo bar that kind of smells like denture breath but does absolute wonders for my hair, and a Winners gift certificate which I'll hold on to until the one in town opens. My mum also gave me two pairs of capris in, uh, a small size.

"I thought they'd fit because you don't have an ass anymore," she explained.

Nice sentiment and maybe I have lost a bit of junk in the trunk but I still have a Falstaffian belly. She gave me the receipt.

This post is poorly written. I leave you with these awesome guys freestylin' at the McDonald's drive-thru. Sweet mother, I bet it just made the minimum-wage employee's day.