Jesus Wept

I can't sleep. I feel like I've let Middle Child down. I should have protected him better.

The back story is that he was beat up again. This would be the third time in a year. The first time was more or less understandable. It was a tussle from a soccer game. It got a little physical and Middle Child pushed the boy away to get at the ball. The boy and Middle Child fell over with my kid on the bottom. The other child was steaming and he bit Middle Child's arm, leaving a lovely bruise. What does my kid do? He doesn't fight back. One of my mommy mantras is, "Use your words; not your hands." So, he yelled at the kid, "You fucking bitch!" Boys are bastards, honey, but then was not the time to get into the nuances of language. The swearing startled the kid and he began to cry. Finally, the yard duty adult figured something was amiss. Duh. Result: both boys got a talking to and a detention for their aggression.

Time #2 was when a kid in senior kindergarten decided out of freakin' nowhere to give Middle Child a beating. He thought it would give him credibility if he picked on an older kid. Hey, there's a boy who is spending recess reading. And I was told that he threw about 25 punches. Middle Child did nothing. "I'm not going to fight a little kid." Result: other boy was suspended. Middle Child was humiliated but the girls in his class had a new respect for him.

This time, again out of nowhere, one boy pushed Middle Child on the ground while another pinned him. Middle Child would consider these two as friends. He's been trying for years to impress them. They're very athletic and popular. Middle Child is decidedly not. He has taken to acting like the class clown and to dumb things down so he'd fit in better. Okay, I'm getting sidetracked. So Middle Child was pinned into a puddle of water and slush while the bigger boy scooped gravel-encrusted slush down Middle Child's splash pants, in his hair, in his mouth. What does my kid do? He yells at them, lobbing the f-bomb like grenades. Result: all three kids get moved in the classroom next to quiet, obedient girls and all three get detention. Yes, even Middle Child because "the school has a no-swearing policy."

Now, when the teacher phoned me to say he was going to miss his recess, I thought it was because of a prior incident when the three boys were throwing an empty chocolate milk carton at each other in class. It was only last night, two days after the fact, that I learned it was because of Middle Child swearing.

In my books, I think his retaliation was in line; a natural reaction and a relatively peaceful one. I mean, he's getting crap shoved in his mouth. What do they expect him to do – just lie there and take it?

I've apologized to Middle Child for not sticking up for him and that I was proud that he stood his ground (and that maybe he should consider the criteria of what makes for a good friend). I mentioned that I will talk with the principal today and tell him that I thought he was faultless and that his parents condone his swearing in this incident. But Middle Child just rolled his eyes.

"Just forget about it, Mum. I have. Please, just move on. I'm happy. Really."

But he's not. He's been so disorganized since then. He's dogging it more than usual when it's time to go to school. His homework is all over the place. And he purposely flubbed a math quiz (did ten questions out of 50 and the answers he did give were outrageous). He's totally rotten to everyone at home; just being plain mean. He's been unreasonably demanding. And, what's really telling, his appetite has waned.

Thankfully, we're gearing up to Easter so he'll have some time off from school. Maybe staying at home where he's accepted and cherished for the interesting person that he is will bring his self-esteem back to normal. Until some other mother's son kicks the shit out of him.

Did I mention that he asked when he'd be old enough to lift weights with me? I bought a couple of one-pound hand weights for him (in slime green, of course).