Death and Taxes

My twin is dead.

Yes, Slobodan Milosevic died of an apparent heart attack in prison. Whatever.

I say he's my twin in jest, really. During one of her manic episodes, Husband's mother was listing all the ways I am an evil, ugly soul. Her words were like water drops running off a duck's ass, so I don't remember any of what she said except for the exclamation that I was "no different than Slobodan Milosevic." Niiiice. The small-town mother of three of her grandchildren and the Butcher of the Balkans. Yeah, and what a great physical resemblance, too.

It's just one of those things I'll look back at fondly until the day I, myself, die.

Speaking of dying, I had the weirdest conversation with my father yesterday when he and Mum visited. He took me aside and said, "I don't think it would be a surprise if I go before your mum. So I'm asking you, as the oldest, to watch over her finances when I die." He doesn't want her to be giving everything away and he wants me to be the one to look after that.

I shrugged my shoulders and said that I don't know if I would have that kind of power over her; that I couldn't stop her from doing anything she wanted to do with money that, legally, would be entirely hers. "I could make you and your sisters co-tenants of our will..." "Without Mum knowing? I don't think you can do that on a joint will, can you? Don't you think it would be better if you just talked to Mummy about how you're feeling? About your ideas with me and the money and stuff?"

That's when Mum walked in. "What's going on? What did you say?"

Crap. Change the subject. FAST!

"Oh, I was just starting to tell Dad that (Husband) bought a building for the business." I mean, it looks like the deal will go through, but I know Husband kind of wanted to break the news to Dad himself, more for his opinion because the "building" is really just an old house on the main drag about four doors down from his leased space.

I got "the look" from Husband for my actions but I also got a vision of eternal gratitude from Dad because, as I expected, Mum got all giddy and wanted to throw on her coat and check the place out right away.

Maybe I'm more convincing than I think I am.