Parenting Mistake No. 386

Why, oh why can't I learn from experience?

Every year, I ask Middle Child what he wants to do for his birthday and every year he says something along the lines of "nothing." The worst is that when his birthday does roll around, he freaks out because nothing very special was planned.

This year is no different.

You see, my problem is that the guy doesn't have any close friends. He hasn't fit in but, as of last year but more so this year, he has been willing to find a way to be interested in things that most boys his age are interested in. He's not one for team sports, but will join in a game if there's one going. Last year, he'd wait to be asked until Husband told him that he just has to go in there, do his best, and act like they just forgot to invite him. Thankfully, Middle Child has the cojones to do just that. Sometimes, he's included. When he isn't, he still hangs around and takes the roll of colour commentator or sideline interviewer. THAT he came up on his own. Neat, eh?

This morning, I mentioned that his grandparents were coming over on the weekend.

"So that means I'm not getting a party?!??"

"But you didn't mention you wanted a party when I asked," I replied. Do I look like Kreskin?

Middle Child started to tilt his head down and make his eyes big so that tears don't fall (when they do, he averts his face). I knew he was crushed so I made all sorts of suggestions. I almost had him on having a birthday party after the last day of school and we were going through those he wanted to invite. When I realized he wanted to have every boy in the class except for two, I said that we should just invite everyone.

"Forget it! I don't want a party!"

Okay, now I didn't understand. Does he hate these kids so much that he'd scrap everything?

It took 40 minutes of discussion (no exaggeration) when we came around to the decision to have the party again. Then he asked, "Why are you so hung up on wanting to invite those other two?"

I tried to explain that it would supremely suck if there was a party and you found out that everyone was invited except for you. That's when it dawned on him that this actually happened to him. Many times. Many, many times. And he said so.

"So now I'm thinking I don't want to invite anyone because they didn't invite me to their parties."

"But you should be the bigger person, and maybe by coming to your party, you'll be invited to their next one. Maybe they'll see a different side of you. Maybe they'll want to get to know you better. Besides, you wanted to invite them before I brought it up."

"But now I realize that my friends aren't really my friends. They're just putting up with me."

Fuuuuuuccccck. By this time, we're at the gate to his school and the bell was about to ring. I was willing to stay with him, letting him skip school if need be but he was having none of that.

"I'm done discussing this, Mom. No party. Just forget it, okay? The guys are playing baseball. I'm going in."

Jesus wept.