So Be Good, For Goodness Sake

Have you beennaughty or nice?

Daughter's best friend reminded her of this website. We did it last year and, boy, it was accurate. I know it's all in generalities and only has a handful of reports, but it was pretty cool. The kids bought it, anyway.

Three Hours I'll Never Get Back

Husband and I ditched the kids yesterday and caught King Kong.

What a waste of my time.

Oh, don't get me wrong. Everything that is being said about the special effects in this movie is bang-on. Frankly, the guy who played King Kong was great. I think he also did Gollum in those series of movies that, I'm told, I'm the only person on Earth who hasn't seen them.

What got me were the tiny details; the physics of it all. I mean, with all that dropping and catching and throwing around, the Naomi Watts character should have died or, at the very least, had motion sickness. Arms should have been ripped off at the sacrifice scene. And why wasn't the wind whipping around up at the top of the Empire State Building in December? And she was in a sleeveless gown.

It's kind of like taking a crazy long time to paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel and then doing stick figure hands on God.

Husband's rebuttal was simply put: "Jen," he sighed, "it's a movie about a 25-foot gorilla."

Staples Calendars Suck Bobo

I usually give my mother one of those calendars you get a photocopy shops where photos are enlarged on the colour copier and then coil bound with the months.

The place I usually go has a cut-off of November 30 and my sister hadn't given me any photos of her kids by then. So I scrambled for a place that would do it with a fast turn around. Staples just opened up in town and they said they'd do one in 24 hours.

True to their word, I picked it up yesterday and I'm so disappointed. Not only is there some weird photocopied smudge on my nephew's cheek (he's Mr. December), but there were no annotations for holidays nor was the coil bound the whole way. And, it's a little thing but a big thing, there was no little hole drilled at the top for hanging.

I asked if they had such a drill and the person said they didn't but I could use their 3-hole punch (why???). And then she adds, "I use thumbtacks." Even in December? Must be pretty long thumbtacks, honey.

Why I'd Make a Lousy Teacher, Reason #43: I Intrinsically Hate Knowitalls

I just got back from watching the two older kids skate. Their school booked some time at the rink nearby. Middle Child's class went first so after helping tie skates, I put the bobskates on Baby Boy and hit the ice.

I was astounded at how well Middle Child's skating has come along (Daughter is doing great too). Baby Boy spent most of the time sitting on a chair while his brother or his brother's classmates would skate around with him.

So, after an hour with Middle Child's class, a bunch of moms and I were sitting around waiting for the next batch of classes to come (I was waiting for Daughter's). The Grade 3/4 class were the first to arrive. Her kids didn't even have their skates on when she came clear across the arena to tell us, "Our insurance doesn't cover anyone who isn't in the classes, so you can't skate. Sorry." This was the same cow that seemingly broke the news to me last week that my friend's son, whom I've known since he was a toddler, has autism. Oooh, what a news flash! Thanks, Bessie.

One mom was livid. "Why could we skate for one class and not the other?" She wasn't angry enough to push the envelope. She waited for her daughter to arrive, told her what was going on and went home.

On the other hand, I waited for Daughter's teacher until I started untying my skates. "No, no, Jennifer! I need you out there with the kids because I don't skate!" I told her what I was told and the teacher replied, "Give me your word that you won't sue the school and then go out if you want." Nyeah, nyeah, ni-nyeah nyeah.

Needless to say, Baby Boy was upset. I still kept him off the ice because I didn't want to start a big war (just a little one). Besides, what if my kids get her as a teacher one year?

And then my friend Slowplum gave me a Sudoku book and some wicked awesome banana chocolate chip muffins — still warm! So it all balances out. How very Zen.

Sick, But Not Sick Enough

Yesterday, Middle Child woke up and puked a bit. Obviously, Husband and I thought it best that he should stay home from school.

He moaned and bitched on the chesterfield until about 9ish, when I invited him to do some printing practice. He finished his lines of Bs while I was folding laundry.

When I was done, I found him in his room, stuffing his face with candy that he's been squirrelling away since Halloween.

Needless to say, I sent him to school after that. If you're well enough to eat candy and not barf it up, you're well enough to go to school. He was excited about that because he forgot it was Science Monday at school.

Lego and Let Go

Last weekend, we braved the cold and went to the local Santa Claus parade. At least Husband, the boys and myself got to walk around a bit when we couldn't feel our toes anymore.

Daughter wasn't so lucky. She was on a float.

Her Brownie pack went as the Island of Misfit Toys. Her Brown Owl and Tawny Owl made costumes for all the girls but as they were handing them out, Daughter piped up. "You don't need to give me one. My mum makes awesome costumes. She'll make mine, if that's okay."

That was Wednesday. The parade was Sunday. Why, oh why didn't she take the free costume?

Fine, I told her. You'll go as a stray piece of Lego.

"But there was no Lego in the Rudolph movie, Mumma!"

I made the costume Sunday morning as we were busy at my nephew's birthday party on Saturday. Thankfully, the leftover housepaint dried and, lookit, she looked great.

In the end, she was thrilled with her costume. Brown Owl thought she looked so good, she had her sit up front.

"Could anyone tell you were a piece of Lego, honey? Did you hear anyone say, 'Oh look! Lego!' on the parade route?" I asked.

"Oh, I only heard that comment about, um, A THOUSAND TIMES! It was awesome!"

Building happy childhood memories one by one. That's what it's all about.

Why Do I Bother?

I just finished the last of my 12 sessions with a personal trainer.

Oh, I can see it has been working. My upper body is something else. In fact, just two nights ago, I wrapped a towel around me after having a shower and Husband came in to get ready.

"You're looking a little macho," he said.

I should have slugged him with my superior upper body strength.

But, even sadder, was that I have only lost a measly one per cent of body fat. All that fresh hell for one per cent?!